It was love at first sight.
I knew how the kid felt who clambered breathlessly through his front
door and cried, "Dad! I'm in love!"
"How do you know it's love?" his father asked.
"Because, when I kissed her goodnight, her dog bit me and I never even
felt it 'til I got home!"
Even without the dog bite test I knew it was love.
She knew it, too. But six weeks later (when she asked me to marry
her!) I began to notice something peculiar about her love. "I love you too
much to hold on to you," she said. "I want you to be happy, and if that
means we won't be together then it's okay."
Another time she said, "I love you so much I want to let you go. Don't
feel tied to me."
That sounded peculiar. You see, my love was a little different. "I
love you so much I want to make you mine" was my kind of love. "I love you
so much I'm never going to let you go."
My love was a hanging-on kind of love. Her's was a letting-go kind of
love. My love worried about what it might do to me if I lost her. Her
love worried about what it might do to us if she hung on too tightly.
One day she returned from a doctor's appointment distraught. "He told
me I can't have babies." Her swollen eyes overflowed. "I know you want
children. I'll understand if you don't want to marry," she continued. "I
love you too much to keep you." There again, that peculiar letting-go kind
of love.
All of this happened many years ago and, in the meantime, I've learned
something about love. Love can sometimes be about letting go. It's as
simple and as difficult as that.
And I've learned something else, too. The doctor was wrong about the
babies. Three times.